The sane way to raise intelligent, talented children
TRILINGUAL BY SIX
ABOUT DR. DIPPEL
A mild-mannered family doctor by day and a closet Don Williams fan by night, Len Dippel was just minding his own business in a nondescript little country town when he was randomly abducted by highly intellectual, impeccably discriminating alien life forms. However, they found his redneck mannerisms and innocently straightforward questions so annoying that they were forced to let him go. He was released on the condition that he remain at least 500 feet away from their secret underground compound at all times, and that he try his level best to keep as many of the earth’s children as possible from growing up to be as
culturally backward as he will always be. Very uncertain of Dr. Dippel’s ability to comply with these terms on his own, the aliens issued him a reasonably well-fitting set of leotards and a color-coordinated, strength-enhancing, intelligence-boosting cape as they escorted him beyond the newly-erected Kryptonite fence at their perimeter.
Not being a particularly industrious individual, Dr. Dippel decided against leaping tall buildings and epic battles against the tenured archvillains of the status-quo, fiendishly plotting to condemn the earth’s children to the monolingual underworld. Instead he decided to just soar down into his basement and write a book, showing ordinary parents from nondescript little country towns how to raise perfectly multilingual children using the resources right in their own neighborhoods. Once he’s done that, he hopes to donate the cape to a wax museum and return to a petty life of harassing elderly patients with long-winded, sadistically pedantic lectures on diet and exercise, and of threatening small children who make fun of his last name with unnecessary penicillin shots.